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Maybe you knew it was coming. Maybe you didn't.
You've been dumped.
So, other than moping around in your pajamas, spending
quality time with Ben & Jerry, what can you do?
Well, clear away that mountain of soggy tissues, and
I'll tell you how to get through the worst of it, the
first 30 days.
Three things: Take care of yourself. Give yourself
time to mourn. Move forward.
The first 48 hours.
The first 48 hours are the toughest. Give yourself at
least one full weekend to cry your eyes out, eat junk
food and lie around on your couch in a broken-heart
coma watching sappy movies or a kung-fu marathon. Try
to throw a few comedies into the mix if you can, laughter
is good for you. If you want to be alone now, be alone.
If you want to be with friends, by all means, invite
them to console you. Whatever you do, don't call your
ex. Don't e-mail your ex. Don't see your ex. Turn your
answering machine on and screen your calls. I'm not
saying you should never talk to your ex again, but give
yourself at least a month or so to build up your ego
again. If you think you might be tempted, by all means,
invite a friend over to run defense and keep you away
from the phone. Next, force yourself to think of the
relationship as over. Sure it's tough right now, but
it truly is necessary. Grieve for what it was, and consider
it dead and gone.
The first week.
After your first 48 hours, it is important to get off
the couch and take a shower. Not just for hygiene reasons,
(but trust me, by this time you'll really need it) but
because it's now time to start taking action. Take down
all photos that include your ex. If you need to have
a ceremonial snapshot torching, by all means, go ahead.
Put all reminders of your ex (letters, gifts, photos,
etc.) in a box and stuff it way in the back of your
closet, or better yet, your garage - someplace you won't
see it on a regular basis. If you feel yourself starting
to idealize your ex, and feel the desire to call him,
sit down immediately and make a list of all the things
about your ex that really annoyed you - the more humorous,
the better. Think hard, I know there's something…
" The way he gave the exact same 22-minute response
to every single person who asked how his job was going
for three solid years.
" The psycho-squirrel noises he made when she laughed.
" The cheap, ugly, green, plastic phone he gave
you for Christmas.
" The way he tried to hold in her sneezes, producing
that imploding, snorty noise instead….
Whatever you do, don't call your ex. Start returning
to your normal life. Take an extra 20 minutes with your
appearance this week. Sure, you may not feel like getting
dressed at all, but trust me, if you look good, you'll
feel even better. Wear something that makes you feel
stunning or confident. Nothing smoothes the ragged edges
of a recent break-up like a few well-timed compliments.
If your weekend on the couch still shows in your face,
put some tea bags on your eyelids.
Make plans with friends for every Friday and Saturday
night for the next month, and stick to them. Get out
and go dancing. It may be the last thing you feel like
doing, but you'll find it's a fantastic release. The
music and physical activity will make you feel tons
better. Speaking of which, exercise four times this
week. Yeah, I know you won't feel like it, but do it
anyway. You need those happy endorphins that exercise
brings. Do a little bonding with your pals. Go to a
basketball game, or even bowling. Just get out of the
house. One last thing for this week, schedule a massage.
You need it!
The second week.
Whatever you do, don't call your ex. Make a detailed
list of all your good qualities. Remember, you're a
unique, wonderful, person, and someone (probably several
someones) will fall madly in love with you, and you
with them. Keep your plans with friends every weekend,
and by all means, do something physical, or humorous,
like going to a comedy club. Work out (three times this
week, and for the rest of the break-up survival period),
go rock climbing, or dance like the Backstreet Boys
in your living room (nobody will see you.) Get your
heart rate going. Aside from making your body look good,
you'll boost your mood as well. This week is all about
pampering yourself. Get a pedicure, or sit in the sauna.
You've been through a lot, and you deserve it. Spend
some of your newfound time (and probably extra cash,
too) on something just for you. Treat yourself to a
little something nice this week, (read: shoes) and every
week for the rest of the month.
The last two weeks.
Whatever you do, don't call your ex. You're halfway
through the black period, and the worst is over. This
is when you'll start easing back into your pre-guy routine.
Be a little selfish with your time, and do exactly what
you want to do. You should be focusing on taking care
of yourself right now. Now is also the time to start
making long-range plans. Make two plans: One plan for
a vacation (even if it's three years away,) and one
plan for your life. You have a clean slate, what do
you want to do? Go back to school? Become a rock star?
Learn how to make crawfish traps? No one is holding
you back now. Write down your goals, and the steps you'll
need to take to reach them.
Holy Moly! Before you know it, the entire month has
gone by. You're through the thick of it now, and on
the road to recovery. Sure, you'll hit some bumps along
the way, but you'll live through this. You've made it
this far, and you'll be a stronger, wiser person because
of it. Someday, you'll meet someone who will love and
appreciate you for the amazing person you are. And this
break-up, which is so awful now, will just be one forgotten
U- turn on your path to true love.
More Articles by Lisa Daily
Stop Getting Dumped
- Break-up Survival Guide
Using
Feng Shui to Kick Start your Lovelife
You'll
never meet Prince Charming (or Prince William) unless
you're
ready to go to the ball.
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Lisa Daily is the author of Stop Getting Dumped!
All you need to know to make men fall madly in love
with you and marry "The One" in 3 years or
less. At bookstores everywhere.
As seen in/on Cosmopolitan, The Other Half and The Sally
Show
Get our FREE Dating Tips newsletter - chock-full of
man-snagging techniques, at www.stopgettingdumped.com
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